Enter to Learn, Leave to Serve

After being steeped in a Lasallian environment for eight years, being raised on the platform “I owe you three things in life, an education, a religion, and love,” and just amassing my own experiences over the years, I’m pretty hell-bent on the importance of education. Since for most of the free world school is mandatory at least through adolescence and pretty status quo after that (college / university) we have completely forgotten good ol’ LaSalle’s sentiment that “education is the means for participation in society.” We begrudgingly sit in classrooms Monday through Friday, store away ‘useless’ or seemingly superfluous information until is forgotten as we trudge towards that finish line of graduation. Next we look for that nicely labeled job or title we can hold, that product we must have been after in the first place.

By now the ruts we follow are so deeply entrenched that we forget there are other possible paths or tracks—pre-existent or yet to be trailblazed. We forget why we educate ourselves in the first place—that participation in society is actually a privilege, not a duty, and that it is accompanied by responsibilities. So far I’ve spoken in broad generalizations, but it is because over the last few years I have seen first hand trans-continental examples of not only rampant laziness in the classroom, but also a disgusting sense of entitlement and even repulsion towards learning.

This year I have been given an incredible opportunity. My unique (and incredibly flexible) role at EGT and even the Hotel Academy in Brezno has given me exposure to many students from all levels in gymnasium (Slovak high school). Since I have not had any of my own classes I see students either once a week, once in a blue moon, or in the company of a co-teacher and often under his/her plans. This has its benefits and drawbacks—one of the benefits is that as I said I have been able to interact with many more students. My classroom persona has been incredibly performative because I am usually trying to arouse these kids out of their coma of boredom and disenchantment. I bring shock value. Many of them think I am insane. But many of them like it, and ask when I’ll come to class again.

Recently I got the official invite to return next year as a full-time teacher, and I need to have an answer by the end of January.

I’m not the best teacher—I don’t know all about proper pedagogical methodology or the most effective lesson planning (I’ve made a few mistakes like “gah! I should have been making them do paraphrases all along!” or “Why did I let them pick their own essay topics for their first essay EVER! I should have given them theses options-duh!” But, I think one of my mottos of the year is: “Good judgment comes from experience, experience comes from bad judgment.”). In February an English/literature teacher is going on maternity leave so I will be rescheduled yet again, but this time I will gain some of my own classes. I’m incredibly excited, and I think it will be good. I have enough knowledge to impart on these students for where they’re at right now, and more than anything I have energy and intensity—something their education thus far has been pretty bereft of—and I don’t think they hand out credentials for that.

I don’t even want to be a ‘teacher’ yet. I’ve long said that I want to teach “when I’m 50 and in my turquoise phase.” But, as that good ol’ Lasallian motto says, “enter to learn, leave to serve.” I’m sure I could come back to the states and find a valid, exciting new place to “serve” or work, and it would be a heck of a lot closer to my family and friends. Yet there is a clear and present place and position for me to serve here in my unique way. This year I have merely staked out the property and cleared some bramble. I haven’t really had the time to be able to make something fruitful grow. And growing things is a process. I’m afraid of storming in here, messing things up (the status quo), then just running away and leaving the students I was starting to get through to utterly confused.

In the classes I have been seeing regularly (like my 3rd year lit class once a week) I am definitely seeing growth and some light bulbs going off. Just historically and institutionally the Slovak perception of education is heavily based on memorization, plot summary, and what I consider to be a whole bunch of worthless bullshit. The students know it, and so most have absolutely no expectations of taking anything worthwhile away from school. If I can get just one class, or a couple classes fired up, I will feel like I am making a difference. I know you can’t win them all, but I’d consider just a few inspired Slovaks a high success rate.

A huge part of me really wants to be back in Colorado next year. I’ve spent too many winters away, missing my family and any sort of regular ski season (I’ve had to get my ski days in in quick, greedy snatches when I descended on Colorado for mere weeks or weekends). It seems to be snowing everywhere I am not (it JUST started snowing here!). Plus, for years I have put off seeing friends because of commitments—constantly saying next year, next year. I told a few of you before I left, “If you get married (or have a baby) while I’m gone I’ll kill you.” Just give me a year, I said, and then you can do what you need to do. But that year is quickly ticking away, and I’m seriously considering renewing it. I’m torn between my desires to be close to friends, family, and geography that I love, and a strong internal tug to stay put—even if it prolongs my absence from the lives of those I love.

I could throw more Lasallian mumbo-jumbo at you like, “one thing [leads] to another,” But I think I’ll just leave you with the wise words of Cat Stevens: “I listen to the wind, to the wind of my soul. Where I’ll end up, well I think only God really knows.”