Blaaah...

Forgive the long period of silence, but I’ve been feeling rather blah lately, the only thing “epic” has been my level of confusion and disenchantment. Part of this is due to finally coming out of a long, dark winter, plus my craving for Colorado and my people. A large part is because whatever I’m trying to accomplish with my “classes” right now seems utterly unproductive and pointless. In the three or four weeks since I’ve had the reins I have not had one complete week of classes, and even in best-case scenarios I would only see most of my classes (all 5th year American Lit and 3rd year British Lit) once a week for 45 minutes.

Once a week, 45 minutes! Yeah right! If you jog for 45 minutes once a week, is it going to do a dang thing for your cardiovascular system or in anyway impact your physique? Or if you go on a bike ride, lift weights, play tennis or even speed walk for only three quarters of one hour every seven days, it is going to make dent on your health? Heck no! So how are we supposed to accomplish anything lasting or worthwhile in such brief and infrequent meetings?

And so it goes, the rookie teacher becomes a little disillusioned when the weight of reality sinks in. Some of the rose colored tint has rubbed off, that once hopeful glimmering optimism is a little tarnished and the whole world no longer feels like it will be redeemed because of one literature class.

ALE (“but” in Slovak—I’ve totally assimilated the word into my vocabulary…) Not everything is in vain, there are some good things going on. Perhaps I should start with a little context—these students are studying American and British Literature primarily to absorb facts about authors and texts (rather than any literary content) for the Maturita, which is the high school exit exam they take during their 4th and 5th years of gymnasium. It most closely resembles a giant final where the students have to stand in front of a panel of teachers and regurgitate facts they’ve memorized throughout high school.

I was an English major in college, mostly because literature blows my mind, I love to read it then “make it modern!” according to Barry Horwitz. If I’m about to tell you why a certain author had a certain effect on the world, or why a poem belongs in a certain genre, I want to be able to say why. I want to look at those “Form points” (yeah “attacking literature”! I’m totally using my binder from Mr. Hilbert’s AP English class as a supplement) to find the “Content.” So, in my class we read. Instead of a cursory overview of “The Great Gatsby” we read the short story “Babylon Revisited.” Then we paraphrase, or take a paragraph or passage and put it into our own words, trying to pick out what is really going on in the literature and why it is important.

At first I got mostly plot summaries—“This story is about… In this story the main character…” But as we progress forward, tweak it and I clarify more and more what I’m looking for I’m getting some really great stuff. Even when the content is not fully there (English is these student’s second language after all, and they have NEVER been asked to read let alone paraphrase literature before…) it is so awesome to see some students bending and stretching themselves. On account of limited class time and a lack of resources I’ve been utilizing e-mail to get them the texts and get me their homework. The e-mail is great because it allows me to actually be able to decipher what these kids are writing (reading handwriting is HARD! And Slovaks make their “t’s” weird), but it also allows me to reply to students individually, and fast.

When I grade I am a huge comment writer- questions all over, interesting stuff underlined or highlighted. Getting a marked up assignment a week later though has sort of lost the thunda. Even if I manage to get these kids fired up during class any flame of excitement or inspiration is sure to be thoroughly extinguished by the time we meet again. When I can pop up in their little mailboxes though, and demand some clarification directly (even if I keep saying the same thing—“why did you choose this passage? Why is it important, what does this tell us about Fitzgerald? What about the Jazz Age, can you connect this to another author/work we’ve read?), the kids often feel called out and obliged to respond. While many of my comments are meant just to keep their brain juice percolating so they can dig deeper next time, a handful of students have actually edited their initial assignments or replied to my questions and a thoughtful dialogue ensues.

British Lit is with the 3rd years, so on top of not having the most amazing English comprehension yet, they are trying to wade through a mess of “thee’s” and “thou’s.” The first thing I did with them was to read Shakespeare’s sonnet 130 (“My mistresses’ eyes are nothing like the sun…” paired with Edmund Spencer’s sonnet XV. These students haven’t really read much poetry, let alone talk about different structures of poems, so we’ve been having a blast. Check out a few paraphrases below.

So yeah, not everything is working out perfectly. And even when I seem to be moving in a positive direction I get assailed by bouts of self-doubt—what am I even DOING! I’m not qualified to teach these kids… I have NO IDEA what I’m talking about! But I guess you start where you are and go from there, and even if I’m not imparting all of the correct information on these students at least I’m getting them to speak English and use their brains a little right? And secretly I think they’re having fun too.